This blog was created to be a safe place for those who have, unfortunately, experience sexual assault and abuse. This blog was inspired by (Wo)men Speak Out, but is in no way intended to steal the spotlight from them. That is a wonderful orginization, who is making a huge difference in the world. This is simply another effort to make survivors of sexual assault feel safe when speaking out against their abuse.
The Still Breathing Project is a project that enables survivors of abuse, assault, rape, incest, and harassment to take back the power from their abusers. This project was mainly inspired by Katy Perry’s song, Part of Me. However, it was also inspired by Project Unbreakable and “Joy Speaks Out.” Both empowering victims to speak up and speak out about their abuse.
Still Breathing is rather a simple concept. What I will be doing is accepting submissions for a period of time (actual time frame TBA) from survivors, saying something that they will not let their abusers steal from them. Submission can be submitted as a picture, a drawing, a video, etc. What ever your little heart desires. I will then take those submissions and turn them into a single video. I then plan on sending the video to various organizations and foundations that work to help survivors heal. Some examples are: The Joyful Heart Foundation, Project Unbreakable, RAINN, and many others. My hope is that through these organizations, along with the support from Tumblr., Youtube, Facebook, and Twitter users, the video will spread and reach as many survivors as possible. I want survivors to know that abuse doesn’t have to break you down. It doesn’t have to be the end all, be all. You have the power to take back your life and not let the abusers win. You are strong, you are brave and you are beautiful… I want you to be able to look at your life, and say with pride, “This is a part of me that you’re never gonna ever take away from me.” -Katy Perry.
Submissions can be sent to featherskinned.tumblr.com/submit as well as TheStillBreathingProject@gmail.com
Recently, I went to the prosecution office to find a way to solve my situation of being finger raped by a friend. I cleared up any confusions and they told me that, he denies the fact that he has raped somebody. The ladies in the prosecution office were giving suggestion to me mother as well on how to solve it without having to go to court. I saw my mother cry right in front of me and it just tore me up emotionally. Not only did this guy psychologically and emotionally messed with me. But he has brought over negative emotions to my parents without even knowing who they are. It just upsets me. I really wish that I punched him when I had the chance to. Because seeing my own mother cry right infront of me made me tremble in anger and shame. I feel nauceous as I type this. I really hate what impact this guy put on my family.
Submitted by Anonymous.
before i was even born, some fucked up things were going on.
my mom was married to a rich man, she was only 20 (my age) and she had already tried to marry once before. she came from an abusive home and looked for any means to escape, and found an escape in him.
he treated her like garbage however, she found out he was cheating on her and decided to get back at him. she cheated on her husband with my dad, whom she met in a bar or something.
my dad had no idea i guess, or he was too busy being an alcoholic to be there for my mom, but my mom started life on her own. she was stripping for the first 2 years of my life to take care of me until my dad finally decided to show up and be a part of my life.
the emotional abuse started when i was about 4, my dad would be away at sea for months at a time because he was in the navy, come home, binge drink and find things to scream at me for. his punishments weren’t violent, but humiliating and degrading. he used to make me hold heavy things out to my sides for 5 minutes, and if i lowered my arms from pain he would restart the time. he used to put me outside in the apartment complex we lived in with signs around my neck that said things like “i shit myself” or some such thing relating to what i did.
later on when my dad got out of the navy is when the other abuse started. i was about 12 or 13, and one day i could tell something was different. my dad was hugging me differently and looking at me differently. at the time i couldn’t think of what was going on, because it was better than having him screaming at me or scaring me somehow. he sent me messages on the computer saying how he wished he was younger and wasn’t married, because he thought we’d be good together. he would ask me what underwear i was wearing that day, and how he hadn’t had sex in 2 months. the other things he did are uncomfortable for me to type, but it involved grabbing, pushing me against walls and saying things to me that made me feel sick.
for a long time, i was really scared. if he wasn’t doing these things he was extremely angry at me, and i could tell my mom was scared too.
last year around april is when i finally told someone what’d been happening to me, i was 19 at the time and i was severely depressed. i was unable to function, i hardly left my room and i’d dropped out of school a few years ago because i was so unmotivated to do anything. i began taking some of my mom’s xanax everyday just so i could get through the day without feeling the urge to kill myself.
my internet friend (we’ll call him dan), who’s room i’m now sitting in as i type this, is who i told. he was the first person, i told him everything. he told me i needed to get away. he told me this wasn’t right and got angry at the thought of me being treated this way, and it confirmed everything for me.
he lives in california, while i lived in new york. another friend of mine (we’ll call him jon), who i was also very close to, told me he could pay for me to leave after i told him my situation.
this was in may last year, i had everything set up but my mom caught me before i left in the middle of the night to walk 8 miles to the bus.
after 2 hours of hysterical crying, i finally told her what was going on, and at first she seemed to be on my side until my dad made some lie saying it was only one time and he thought it was my mom and that he was half asleep
i moved to my grammas after that, it was getting to the point that i couldn’t stand to be in the same room as my father, let alone live in the same house as him. the thing is, it was my paternal grandmother.
things were ok for the first couple of months, she was urging me to drive and get a job and i was still having trouble motivating myself as i thought more and more about my past.
things wound up taking a turn for the worst, “dan” and i had started an online relationship. i was very much attached to him, he was the only support i had getting through this as he understood everything. he’d even heard my father screaming at me while we were skyping once, and almost called the police after my dad shut off my computer.
he broke up with me for personal reasons, and i was at my end. i sent my father a long message finally confronting him about what a sick piece of shit he is. i asked him if he even felt bad, and he denied everything. he said i ruined my own life and i did this to myself.
about 10 minutes after that, my gramma got a phone call from my dad saying he was worried about me because i got upset. my gramma confronted me, again i got hysterical and told her everything. he’d apparently told her the same story about being half asleep or some bullshit like that. i tried explaining it to her and she said “if you were 5 or 6 it might be a big deal, but you were older” as if it made what he did okay or something. we fought back and fourth for days her and i, i tried explaining to her how her son is a sociopath. she would go from believing me and crying to fits of extreme rage. she eventually gave me 2 weeks to leave.
i was still talking to “dan” at this point, even though he completely broke my heart he was the only support i had. he still wanted me to be his best friend because he needed me, as he was confronting some of his past as well. “jon” had agreed to pay for my plane tickets, for which i was forever thankful, and “dan” said i could live at his mom’s house, even though i’d never met them before.
september 29th, 2011 at approximately 5am, i woke up after an hour of sleep.
i could only bring one bag of clothes, because i couldn’t afford to check any more bags than that. “jon” had also sent me about $80 for food and anything else i might need along the way.
my gramma drove me to the airport, this was my first time doing anything by myself.
the entire day i was having to experience things i’ve never had to do before, i was flying on planes, meeting people from the internet and going to live with someone i don’t even know, but i was desperate.
i was anxious all day, having to find my way around the crowded airports myself, the anxiety of meeting someone i’m in love with that i’ve never met before, leaving my entire family behind and changing my life.
i couldn’t eat or sleep the entire day.
meeting “dan” was just as i always pictured it would be, he hugged me for such a long time and i knew deep down he still liked me.
we kissed in his car even though he said he lost his feelings for me.
i’d finally made it to his mom’s house where he dropped me off. i still live with her now, she’s very helpful and making the strong person in me finally come out.
i’m also seeking a counselor and taking some antidepressants to help with my anxiety attacks, and “dan” and i have gotten back together to have a real relationship, and plan on moving in together soon.
the unfortunate thing of this is, i’ve completely lost the support of my family. my mother refuses to talk to me, even though i think she knew to some extent what was going on. it hurts a lot, and sometimes it really feels like i’m going at this by myself, but at the same time i know i did what was right for me.
it’s been 8 months or so since i’ve moved here, and me as a whole has improved so much. i’ve cut all contact with my father, and plan on continuing to do so for the rest of my life.
i feel like i couldn’t be in a better position than i’m in now, and what i did was the best thing i could’ve done.
Yes, It haunts me. It brings me down. And it happened two and a half years ago. But i havent forgot it. I wish some people would understand it.